I am worried that this week’s UFAS might noogie me before gunning me down with an m60 assault rifle. I have not spoken to this young man since my freshman year of college when I was checking in on him via Facebook. Since then, I suppose he picked up a few issues of Men’s Fitness and linked up with some bros. Today he is a jacked up dude with a new-found disrespect for women. Derek Chen: sick traps, bro, but they will not be enough to keep you on my Friends list!

Watch out Mike Sorrentino! It’s the SituAsian!

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IMAGINE HAVING 2 C FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES ALL DAY LYKE DIS! ANNOYIN @S SH!T RIGHTTTTT?!?!?! I will be raising money for this week’s unFriended All-Star to fix the Caps Lock key on his phone, from which he consistently sends in mobile updates like this. If you stop seeing posts every Sunday, it is probably because this ‘gangster’ UFAS has put a hit out on me. Well, Craig Leidner, I am putting a hit out on your Facebook profile!

Despite what you may think, Craig does in fact have ring and pinky fingers.

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You’re next unFriended All-Star is a hell of a guy and the life of the party…so it almost (it doesn’t, but almost does) pain me to put this falling out Facebook friendship to death. Adam Towle: you are artificially useless to me.

Ben Stiller is making a sequel to Simple Jack, Simple Adam.

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I’m Billy. And I have too many friends.

Facebook has become a vital part of everyday social interaction, self-promotion, and crowdsourcing. The social networking giant presents users with the ability to make connections with long lost acquaintances, check on an upcoming first date, or see what your teacher’s assistant does when she’s not grading your papers.

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